Since that time, I've had other surgeries that required either an overnight or a two-night stay. He never stayed in the hospital to see me post-surgery, nor did he come to visit. He did, however, keep in constant contact with me.

Lately, this has bothered me more, as I see the behavior of others. In his favor, his first wife died of cancer, so perhaps he became hospital phobic after that. But it does seem rather selfish, the more I allow myself to think about it. As more friends and family say he is getting away with murder, I, too, am beginning to wonder. Should I make more of a fuss or simply insist that he "be there for me" if hospitalization is necessary again? We are both retired, so a work schedule does not come into play. — Confused After a Lot of Years

Dear Con: You don't say what the general nature of the relationship is, so I will just assume there is no underlying hostility floating around and that this is your major issue. To find out his reasons for basically saying you're on your own in medical situations, have you tried asking him? If it's simply that hospitals give him the willies, that would be a good thing to discuss. As things are now, he is definitely "not there for you." The outlines of this problem make him sound selfish and self-centered. If he has a fear of hospitals, I suggest he get some help in overcoming his phobia, and also in understanding that you need support, not abandonment. — Margo, correctively

Brushing Off Difficult Questions

Dear Margo: I grew up in a small town, left for college and moved away 30 years ago. After living outside of the United States for several years, I have now returned to my home state, but several hundred miles away from my old hometown. I attended my high school class reunion, but that visit didn't go well, and I need advice about whether I should visit again.

Several people at the reunion asked about my older brother, who still lives there. I was not sure how to deal with these inquiries because my brother sexually terrorized me as a child and I ended all contact with him years ago. Our mother keeps me informed about my sister-in-law's and nieces' activities, but we do not discuss him. Obviously, I am not going to discuss his behavior toward me, but I felt hypocritical smiling and telling them he is fine and happy, which is really all they wanted to hear. What can I say to end these inquiries and not give away our family secrets? — Childhood Trauma Survivor

Dear Child: How nice for your brother that the whole town doesn't know. Should you find yourself in a similar situation, feel free to skip the hypocritical smile and just say you were never really close and don't know anything of his life now. Over and out. I am not for playing yourself false, and I also don't have a problem with cutting people off if they're going where you do not want to go. — Margo, directly

A Little Perspective, Please

Dear Margo: My best gay male friend recently admitted he's in love with a woman, despite dating men his whole adult life without any bisexual inclinations. I can handle this sudden revelation, but I am deeply hurt and feel betrayed that it took him months to reveal this information. We're extremely close and share the tiniest details of our lives. I noticed a behavior change several months ago and repeatedly asked him what it was. He always brushed me off.

He's since begged my forgiveness, but I can't move past the idea of his keeping this secret from me. I find myself so hurt that I can barely speak to him. And I'm not secretly in love with him. I'm gay, as well, and have no romantic interest in men. Where do I go from here? — Allie

Dear Al: What you are calling a betrayal I regard as a "sin" of omission. Your close friend chose not to tell you his news until now, and I frankly can't see why you're so broken up about this. I suggest you accept the fact that he kept this to himself for a while ... for whatever reason. Some things are worth a commotion; this is not one of them. — Margo, forwardly

The Luck of the Draw

Dear Margo: When I started playing poker, I always won. The first tournament in which I played, I came in first. I thought I must have some sort of gift or something. This streak lasted for three months, and then I started reading books and studying the game.

At one point, I played in what was the most important tournament of my poker career. Gavin Smith came to my local poker club, and I won a satellite to the tournament in which he was playing. It was a big deal. I was steadily grinding about 13 hours a day and doing very well. I am not a donkey. I had the chip lead at every table I played. It was down to four tables, and long story short, I could have sat there and folded every hand and would have made it to the final table. Instead, I did the opposite and got involved in a hand I probably shouldn't have. I risked my entire stack and lost it all to someone on a flush draw. I was devastated and cried for weeks.

Ever since then, poker has seemed intimidating, and I haven't made it as far in tournaments as I used to. How is it that an inexperienced player like me could have done so well in the beginning, and then gone to hell? I had been able to tap into a certain rhythm and was able to trust my gut, but I seem to have lost that. Is there any way to move past this situation and re-embrace what used to come so naturally? Will I ever be able to dominate a room full of men again, or should I just give up and break up with poker for good? — Texas Hold 'Em

Dear Tex: I do not know whether you will ever dominate a room full of men again, but I do believe there is such a thing as beginner's luck. I had it when I first started to shoot skeet. Then it went away. Forever. I also started to study something I took pleasure in (symphonic music), but after I took a course, I was so busy parsing movements, etc. that it was no longer enjoyable. Perhaps this is what happened to you. Although I know people who love the game, it is gambling, and if you're on the fence about continuing, perhaps "breaking up with poker" is the emotionally and financially smart thing to do. — Margo, bluffing

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2011 MARGO HOWARD