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Casino Caroling: Holiday Tunes, Revised for the Poker Universe |
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Written by Hannah Elisabeth
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Sunday, 19 December 2010 15:17 |
It’s the holiday season again, and hopefully we’re all enjoying the festivities, whatever we choose to celebrate. With that in mind, I have recklessly rewritten the lyrics to several popular holiday ditties to suit a more poker-oriented songfest. Ready to sing along? Get your karaoke bouncing ball ready, and away we go!
Sung to: The Twelve Days of Christmas
- On the first day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- A pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the second day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the third day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the fourth day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
 - On the fifth day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the sixth day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Six good laydowns
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the seventh day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Seven Dwan’s hands beaten
- Six good laydowns
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the eighth day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Eight made hands holding
- Seven Dwan’s hands beaten
- Six good laydowns
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
 - On the ninth day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Nine railbirds glancing
- Eight made hands holding
- Seven Dwan’s hands beaten
- Six good laydowns
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the tenth day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Ten flops worth keeping
- Nine railbirds glancing
- Eight made hands holding
- Seven Dwan’s hands beaten
- Six good laydowns
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the eleventh day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Eleven players griping
- Ten flops worth keeping
- Nine railbirds glancing
- Eight made hands holding
- Seven Dwan’s hands beaten
- Six good laydowns
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
- On the twelfth day of poker
- My dealer gave to me:
- Twelve drunkards’ money
- Eleven players griping
- Ten flops worth keeping
- Nine railbirds glancing
- Eight made hands holding
- Seven Dwan’s hands beaten
- Six good laydowns
- Five WSOP rings!
- Four calling stations
- Three winning tens
- Two pat Knaves
- And a pot rush with a pair of threes.
 - Sung to: White Christmas
- I’m dreaming of a deep finish
- In every tournament I play
- Where the chip stacks glisten
- And players listen
- To hear bad calls all the way.
- I’m dreaming of a deep finish
- With every crazy move I make.
- May your plays be scary... or tight...
- And may all your freaky calls be right.
- Sung to: The Christmas Song
- The nuts are roasting all your second-best hands
- Norm Chad’s making fun of you
- You’d rather be home watching sports with the boys
- And drinking several cans of brew.
- Everybody knows a bad day playing cards
- Makes your life a living hell:
- Tiny leaks in your airtight game
- Will make seat seven read you well.
- He knows that twitching is a tell
- And all that itching is a nervous tic as well.
- And every donkey player from online
- Will take your money, and mess with your mind.
- And so I’m offering this simple thought
- To fish from teens to 93:
- Don’t play poker, ‘less you cherish the pain
- Cause it’s a game of misery.
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 - Sung to: Winter Wonderland
- Floor man’s king, are you listening
- In seat two, rings are glistening
- A beautiful sight
- I’ll kill it tonight
- Playing for a Main Event cash.
- Gone away is my blue mood
- Here to stay is my new mood
- I need a good hand
- As big blinds expand
- Playing for a Main Event cash.
- In the third round I can build a big stack
- And pretend that I’ve a winning pair.
- He’ll say, “Are you bluffing?”
- I’ll say, “No, Mac!
- But you can call my hand with that deep stare.”
- Later on, we won’t hex it,
- Sitting near the fire exit
- To face unafraid
- The plays that we’ve made
- Playing for a Main Event cash.
- At the Final Table I can muck it
- And hold out for a better hand.
- He’ll say, “Do you have it?”
- I’ll say, “%&*% it!”
- And sweep a monster pot that’s really grand!
- When I win, ain’t it thrilling
- Though they’ll tax every shilling,
- But I’ll spend what is left
- After government theft
- Playing for a Main Event cash.
 Ho-ho-ho! Happy holidays, everyone!!
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